Editors love dialogue. It adds white space to the page - making the text much more accessible to young readers who can be quickly turned off by a lot of heavy dark print. Also, dialogue is almost a sure sign of a scene and editors know that scene means showing and showing means a manuscript they might buy. Because of this, dialogue is one of the top things editors are looking for in the first brief scan of your manuscript.

Not All Dialogue is Created Equal

Although readers are hungry for dialogue, not all dialogue will satisfy them. Editors know this, so there are certain dialogue mistakes that can seriously lessen your chance of acceptance. Let's look at a scrap of problem dialogue and see if we can diagnose the issues...

"Hi," John said.
"Hi," said Alice.
"What's happening?" John asked.
"Not much," said Alice.

Diagnosis: Boring. Yes, real life conversation is very much like this snippet of dialogue. I've seen kids go on for several minutes with exactly this level of dialogue. People make noise while they try to find real conversation with which to "connect," but this extraneous noise cannot appear on the page. Think of dialogue as being like real conversation with all the boring bits trimmed out. Now, on to the next case…

"Wow, Janet, you look great!" Ellie enthused.
"Thanks!" Janet chirped. "This new diet is terrific!"
"Oh, my gosh!" Ellie squealed. "I need a diet so bad! What is it?"
"Oh, it's totally fab!" Janet insisted. "All seafood - all the time!"

Diagnosis: Get these kids some sedatives. The reality is that young people do tend to live more on the emotional edge than adults. When we look at them from our adult perspective, they seem overflowing with energy and excitement. But do they look this way to each other? To a teen audience, the girls above work only in a parody of teenagers. This is how two girls might talk in a story if they were making fun of popular girls who obsess about weight, but this isn't really how you would portray the popular girls. They are too over-the-top, too stereotypical, and wouldn't sound real to their peers - your readers. Keep in mind that you're trying to take on some of the viewpoint of a peer when you write about kids, so try to see them as they see themselves.

Did you notice another problem with both examples of dialogue above? They exist strictly as talking heads. We don't see these kids. Where do the scenes take place? How might the setting influence their conversation? What are the kids doing while they talk? Dialogue doesn't take place in it's own bubble outside the story - it takes place within a scene. So you'll want to mix action with the speech. Not only will it help root your dialogue in a specific place - it will help cut down on speech tags, which can get very tiresome, very fast. And switching out "said…said…said" for "enthused…squealed…insisted" isn't enough. You need to mix a little action into the dialogue. Let's look at a dialogue clip that mixes words and action, but has another problem - can you diagnose this one?

Kat slammed her locker door and spun to face the crush of kids in the hallway. She instantly spotted Tiffany weaving toward her. "Oh no," Kat groaned, backing away.
"Kat, I'm so glad you're back in school," Tiffany gushed as she ran the last few steps and slipped her arm through Kat's. "I haven't seen you since before Christmas when you dropped out of school because your brother killed himself. That must have been terrible, especially when you got committed and all."
"I don't really remember a lot of that." Kat struggled to untangle herself from Tiffany's grip without launching into a full-blown wrestling match. "I was medicated a lot of the time. It was hard for me to handle the fact that my parents never even came to visit. They always loved Brian more than me but I didn't realize how much until then."

Diagnosis: Info-dump. It can be challenging to clue the reader in on all the stuff he/she needs to know for a story to work. And dialogue can be a great way to give hints that let the reader figure out what's going on. But hints are really all you're allowed in dialogue. Huge info-dumps sound unreal no matter how well you write the voice for them.

The reality is that dialogue needs to do a number of things quickly and well. It needs to help set scene by interlacing speech with action and detail. It needs to reveal character by choosing dialogue that (1) sounds completely natural and (2) hints at things about the person's nature. It needs to move the plot along by hinting at information and leading the reader toward expectations of what will come next.

So would there be any way to heal the dialogue snippets we've given so far? Sure. First, we would ask our writer selves what does each piece of dialogue need to do for the story. That question will point us straight at the cure.

Snippet 1 - what do we want this dialogue to do? We want to introduce two characters who are nervous around each other. And I want to hint that they might like each other.

Alice jumped when the backpack landed on the library table beside her. John slid into the seat and began rummaging through the pack. "This project is so lame."
"I don't know," Alice said. "I thought it might be fun, making a newspaper. It's better than writing a report."
John looked up. "Oh, totally. But hard, I think."
Alice felt her face go pink and looked down at her book. "Could be hard. Being in teams should help."

Snippet 2 - what do we want this dialogue to do? I want to introduce two characters who detest each other but have to be perky because their social position demands it.

Ellie spotted Janet parading out of Saks with her boyfriend struggling with enough bags to crush a camel. Ellie considered darting back into the Gap. Too late.
"Ellie," Janet called, waving. "I haven't seen you in ages."
Ellie's tight smile made her jaws ache. "You look good."
"It's my personal trainer." She patted her flat stomach. "He works me like a slave." Janet looked Ellie up and down. "I could give you his number - he's a miracle worker."

Snippet 3 - What do we want the dialogue to do? Here the intent is pretty clear. We want to introduce two characters - one vulnerable because of her situation and the other aggressive. And we want to clue the reader in to the situation as well.

Kat slammed her locker and leaned her forehead against the cool metal. It's too soon, she thought. I told them it was too soon. In the stream of sound passing behind her, she heard someone yell, "Kat."
She spun to face the crush of kids in the hallway and spotted Tiffany weaving toward her. "Kat, I'm so glad you're back," she gushed as she ran the last few steps and slipped her arm through Kat's. "I've called and called, but they wouldn't let me talk to you."
"I haven't really felt like chatting," Kat said, trying to ease out of Tiffany's grip.
Tiffany nodded in fake sympathy. "It must have been horrible - especially being…" she dropped her voice to a whisper. "Committed."
Kat stared at her a moment. Would the doctors believe it was too soon if she busted Tiffany in the mouth?

Now you have your degree in dialogue diagnosis. Try putting your own dialogue to the test.