This week I read yet another celebrity book. The author tried hard and meant well, and I appreciate those things. She did however miss one big thing - that teen readers don't appreciate the same style of writing as small children. That's an amazingly common mistake for new writers - assuming all ages under adulthood want super simple sentences and tone, no matter what the content. This "one size fits all" concept of children's writing can severely hinder sales for us non-celebrities, therefore it pays to think about the (1) maturity, (2) reading level, and (3) interests of our age group, before we set fingers to computer keys. An appropriate story marries subject and style to the needs of a specific age of reader.

Since most of the writers reading this will be trying to produce picture books or stories for very young children in magazines, I'm going to address how to make reading for this level meet the young child's needs of maturity, reading level and interest. Let's begin by looking at some common mistakes and how to fix them.

HELP FOR EXCLAMATION POINT JUNKIES

First, small children are not chipmunks. So, the very first writing habit you need to swear off is the exclamation point. Editors often cite the abundance of exclamation marks as a sure sign of a beginning writer. Writers tend to pepper stories for children with exclamation marks because children seem so excitable - far more so than us staid boring adults. But to other children, the high excitement just seems normal.

Your approach to the child needs to see the children as they see themselves. So making every sentence extra perky by putting on an exclamation mark is not helpful. Plus, it then forces you into using double punctuation on those sentences where the child really is unusually excited. I've seen sentences ending with !!!! in manuscripts - but editors don't want to see them in manuscripts.

If you're already addicted to the exclamation mark, it may be time to go cold turkey, because you may have lost the ability to judge when they are actually appropriate. If you have more than two exclamation marks in a story that doesn't involve an explosion…you almost surely have too many. Remove all the exclamation marks from your story - go ahead, do a "search and replace" with your word processor's edit function and swap all those exclamation marks for periods. Now, go back through and look for other ways to show excitement.

"I won a blue ribbon at challenge day!" Joey said.

Could become

Joey raced into the house and waved his ribbon in front of his mother's nose. "I won a blue ribbon at challenge day."

Even without the exclamation mark, no one could think Joey was blasé about that award.

THEY HAVE MOMS FOR THAT

The first job of your young children's story is to entertain. The second is to widen the child's thoughts about things around him. And that's about all you get in terms of jobs. You don't get to lecture the child about how important it is to take his vitamins, brush his teeth, or mind his mama. In fact, you don't get to lecture the child at all - they have parents for that.

Through the course of a lively story, a main character will usually grow and change in some way. This kind of change works best when it's not stated flat out, but is more subtle. For example, you might have a section like this:

Joey blinked. He didn't know his mom could do a cartwheel. That didn't seem a mom thing to do at all. "Can you teach me how to do that?" he asked.

But you wouldn't have a section like this:

Joey realized his mom could do a lot more than chores. She was a person, just like him. He wondered if she got tired and frustrated by chores like he did sometimes. Maybe he should help out a lot more.

The first allows Joey and the reader to make a discovery together. The second allows no discovery, and just feeds conclusions to the readers - telling them what they should do via Joey's decision. Even worse would be a line like this:

Joey couldn't believe his mom could do a cartwheel! I bet you think your mom couldn't do one either - well, maybe she can't. But she can do a lot of interesting things besides chores! Maybe you should ask your mom about the things she can do. You could even ask while you're helping her do a chore! Your mom will like that a lot!

Resist the urge to stop the story and talk directly to the reader. Some authors can do this masterfully, but it's rare. Usually when an editor sees a writer slip into talking to the reader, it's just a way to lecture the reader. Remember - no lectures, children have plenty of adults in their lives who are lecturing. That's not a writer's job.

THE CAT IS FAT SYNDROME

Beginning readers do best with short sentences. Showing is better than telling. Those are two rules most writers know - so many produce stories for young children that read like this:

The cat is fat. The cat is lazy. The cat wants a nap. Where can I nap? I need a lap for my nap.

I'll tell you a secret. I wrote stories very much like that when I tried my first bits for young readers. No one bought them. They're dull. One way to help banish dullness is to refuse to use "is, are, was, were" in your story. Now, these simple being verbs aren't evil but, for newer writers, they tend to be used for two things (1) sentences with no action and (2) progressive verbs with no punch. The example of the fat cat shows short sentences with no action. This is an example of a sentence with a progressive verb with no punch:

The cat is sleeping on the lap.

Anytime you use "is/was ___ing" - consider the construction suspect. It's wordy and slows your reading pace. Ask yourself why you're using it. If you don't have an excellent answer, revise to avoid that "is/was ___ing" construction.

SO HOW DO I DO IT?

Imagine that you are telling your child or a small child you know well about something your own cat did that morning. Think about the way you speak. It is likely to be different from the way you speak to other adults, but it is consistent with what you know that child will understand. You wouldn't say:

Fritz expressed his supreme displeasure at the discount cat food by shedding my drapes.

Even though you might use something like that, for effect, when telling the story to another adult. But you probably also wouldn't say:

Fritz was mad. The food was yucky. Fritz wanted his food. Fritz scratched the curtain.

For practice, try borrowing a tape recorder and using it for an exercise in reader age. Close your eyes. Picture the perfect reader for your story. Imagine you've written a picture book about Fritz, a cat trying to communicate his desire for his old food. What child would be most interested in the story? Animal stories with simple plots are usually for younger children. So picture a child you know who would enjoy Fritz's story.

Now, if possible - go to that child with your recorder and tell him/her the story of Fritz. If you cannot go to the child, picture him/her in your head and pretend he/she is there. Tell the story just as you would in real life. Don't even try to use the wording you used in the written story. Just tell it the way you would tell a true story from your own home to that child. If pretending, close your eyes while telling it so you can picture how the child would respond as you speak.

Now, transcribe the recording and print it out. How does it differ from the version you wrote? Does it have more action? (Probably) Does it repeat the main character's name less often? (Probably) It will also have spots that are more awkward…but you'll often find revising from a "true telling" produces a much more reader friendly exciting story than revising from a "written" rough draft.

Even if your eventual goal for the picture book is to write it in rhyme, it helps to have the (1) story and (2) tone mapped out in prose first. This will help keep you from losing these things as you struggle with the demands of rhyme and meter. Also - honestly - unless you are very gifted in rhyme and meter, it might be best to get a few sales in prose under your belt before trying the harder rhyming forms.

DON'T FORGET YOUR AUDIENCE

Right now, a number of authors have discovered that picture books are read aloud by parents. Because of this, they use the picture book to lecture the parents. While this is better than lecturing the child, it's still a cheat that you can only get away with if you're a known commodity. New writers don't get to lecture parents in stories. So if you have a picture book story or young children's magazine story about how parent need to spend more time with children, how working parents are bad parents, how parents need to cook better meals instead of going to McDonalds, or how parents need to read aloud more often - the story won't sell. Children's editors won't buy stories that aren't really for children, not unless they would buy nearly anything from you because of who you are.

Young children are interested in stories filled with action that they can visualize. So stories of animals are abundant, because children can picture animals. Stories of families are abundant, because children can picture families. Stories of nuclear physics are less abundant, because children have no frame of reference for understanding the story. Keep in mind the frame of reference of a young child and choose your story contents appropriately.

For example, if you want to set a story in a far-away land, then you must include elements that small children will find familiar so they can connect with them. For example, the setting for SAGWA is very unfamiliar to most young readers but cats and family (both elements in the tale) make the connection for the child. A story set in ancient china about war would not be a hit because the subject matter is too far from anything the child can conceptualize.

This is also why stories with themes about love, forgiveness, and other abstract concepts must be told in concrete terms by the actions of the characters. Again, some well known singers or actors have done highly abstract picture books filled with flowery language about love or freedom, but this is because the book sold for the writer's name - not for the appropriateness of the content. Love is a thorny flower that grows in your heart might be something an adult or teen can grasp, but a small child would only find it confusing and nonsensical. A small child could, however, understand something like the dandelions were gold buttons on the hillside's green jacket. Because children can see dandelions, they can make the jump to seeing them being like buttons and grass being like a jacket.

Writing for very young children can be extremely satisfying because they are so enthusiastic about books. Our job is to meet the challenge of that enthusiasm by producing exciting stories filled with action and discovery that are appropriate - challenging, for sure, but so worth it. Happy Writing!